This is a simple but mind-blowing Truth for my sinful mind & heart. If you are allowed a favorite trait about Him- this would be mine...but on the flip side- it would also be the one I struggle most with...
I don't have family here, in the Flower Mound area, only good friends that are family because of community at the Village. Last October, I didn't know where I was going to live. I was quickly having to find a new place & I had sort of given up- thinking I was going to have to move back home with my parents. They live south of the metroplex by about 40 mins, so I thought being apart of the Village was coming to an end. I didn't feel the Lord was changing the apparent heart He had given me for serving the families of the HV/FloMo campus, but I didn't trust He had anything planned & I was going to have to move 'home.'
I packed up & headed down to my grandparents farm for Thanksgiving, almost defeated because I didn't want to leave. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my brothers truck that Monday morning, driving up 19- wondering why He had given me such a passion to love the families around me, if He was just going to make me leave them...then I hear the somewhat annoying tri-tone alert on my phone & look down...LC had texted me. She asked if I wanted to live in a playroom again & if I had a twin size bed. I responded yes, no, & why, then waited... finally- she replied that she & Matt were talking about me moving in with them.
Relief & guilt was all I felt.
Relief- He knew something would present itself.
Guilt - He knew something would present itself.
How badly I had failed in opening my hand fully & allowing His provision & will to lead me. How quickly I had given up on things working out the way I wanted them to...I- ME- MY will was what I was seeking. Only more does this reveal my wickedness...
...3 days later I find out Matt had a seizure, then less than a week they find out it means surgery, then less than 2 weeks I have the kids & we're impatiently waiting to hear updates on the surgery, then we're impatiently waiting for LC & Matt to come home, then we're prayerfully waiting for the diagnosis to be revealed, & even now waiting for treatment to be over & praying for cancer to be gone.
I am impatient. I want things done quickly. I want the Lord to answer things on my time, in my way. I don't stop to think that the situation or answer is only a small piece to His vast plan. I defeatedly, on my own, said I would have to leave- move 'home.' How silly am I to not allow room for Him to move & work in His own way.
He has shown me so much through that area of sin in my life.
He knew my place was with Matt & LC...He knew they were going to ask me to live with them...He knew I was going to have to find a new place to live...He knew Matt had rogue cells, ready to attack...He knew...He is sovereign.
My Soul Longs for the Courts of the Lord
84
1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
3 Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah
This Psalm celebrates worshipping in the Temple. "The purpose of singing this psalm is to cultivate that delight, to open the eyes and hearts of God's people to the staggering privilege of being a welcome guest in God's own house, and to write deep into their soul the conviction that wickedness offers no reward that can even remotely compare to the joy and pleasure of God's house."(ESV Study Bible) "Even the sparrow finds a home..." God's house is welcoming. When you long to worship, you have a place there.
This scripture was beautiful & true for me in that season after seeing His provision in my living arrangements. Even in His house of worship- a place for me may be found. No, Matt & LC's house isn't the temple of Jerusalem, but I found there was a place for me. He knew I needed it & He provided.
"Even the sparrow finds a home..."
